rewards

Vlinder Elf Tips

By | December 12th, 2017|Tags: , , , , , , , , |

It’s that time of year when parents get a couple of extra hands to keep an on eye on things. I’m talking about the elves. I appreciate using the little guys and gals to help bring some order into the home. There are a few things to keep in mind to make sure that this is helping your quest to maintain long term change and not adding additional stressors to your kiddos. It’s a nice break having Santa’s naughty and nice list as a motivator but since we know you aren’t going to send a present back to the North Pole we need to keep it real.

Some children are more prone to anxiety than others. You are feeding that by suggesting that they may not get the gifts if they don’t perform. Careful how much power you give the elves and remember not to put into jeopardy that which will not be taken away. This tradition is meant to be fun.

Using the elves to create order in your home is a type of reward system. Depending on when the elves show up at your house, the reward takes a long time to get there. One way to manage this is by setting up other forms of positive reinforcement. Rewards are not always presents and candy. Some ideas are sitting at the table with mom or dad to write a letter to a loved one, special one on one time or tons of kudos and high fives! Be clear why the reward has been earned if you want to see it repeated.

Finally, if you use your elf for behavior management then please remember that they, the elves, also “see” the positive behavior. Allow your kiddos time to reflect on the positive reports that the elves will be reporting to Santa.  Personal pride goes a long way.

If you have any questions or suggestions for today’s entry please contact us on our website, www.ourbreakthroughs.com. We love visitors and invite you take a look around while you are there. If you would like to sign up for our free newsletter there is a form provided on the home page. Happy Holidays!

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Finders Keepers – A Mother’s Search for Reasonable Rewards

By | March 16th, 2017|Tags: , , , , , |

Kids are given so many “things” nowadays. It seems as though when it comes to Birthdays and Christmas I’ve run out of gift ideas because of all the giving that I’ve already done. I know I’m not the only one. So when it came to creating my behavior modification program it was important to me to find rewards around the house that involved time spent with family, friends, and other social ingredients. Knowing how hard it was going to be to find enough rewards to make up my program I wondered if all of them would hold enough value to motivate.

It proved no easy task. I sat on my couch for hours, with eyes closed, mentally roaming my home, pretending to be my kids and thinking of things they like to do. Different times of day. Different people to associate with. Different animals to play with. I would use all of my senses to imagine what they could earn as a reward that would motivate them to want to earn it again.

The funny thing is a lot of the things I came up with, I would let them do regardless. I decided to do a test run. I was curious how they would respond to rewards like “play with a pet” compared to “30 minutes of electronics on a school night”. Would one reward hold more value and make them work harder than another?

The answer was they all worked the same. Initially I wondered if it was the newness of working with Vlinder, the name of the program. Families that were part of a pilot project reported similar findings, however. Although some rewards held, what were considered a higher pay value, they did not make the kiddos work any harder during the day then cards that had a lesser pay value. Kids reported enjoying the process. They liked understanding what was expected of them (which is part of their task sheets), they liked picking out of a bin, not knowing what reward they were going to get, even if it was a bummer card. They enjoyed carrying out the reward or having the anticipating of being able to carry out the reward. Overall it is a win-win.

Vlinder found the kids motivation to complete any tasks that were put before them on a task sheet. The added bonus is the amount of valued family time that comes with the rewards. I was pleasantly surprised that my kids often choose cuddle time as their reward. I always love it when they get to pick the meal, not only do they pick but they often help with the meal as well. Daddy loves it when they pick Daddy Day as their special Weekly reward. Again we would gladly do it without the game, but with the game we make sure to set aside the time to do it in a timely fashion. The kids have a strong feeling of accomplishment and pride.

It continues to be important for me to bring up to participants and friends that one of the largest learning experiences for me has been that no matter the pay-value of the reward, kids want the recognition. One of the things that Vlinder does an excellent job of is explains to kids what they need to do to get that same recognition. The rewards make it fun, the game pieces make it fun.

If you would like to learn more about Vlinder, Behavior Modification and other parenting advice please come and visit us at www.ourbreakthroughs.com. You can also call us at (707) 773-7654.

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