Now you have a categorized list of expectations and reasons for their importance.
Step three is to have a structured review of your list with your child. This is one of my favorite steps because you have the opportunity to learn from one another.
Before you start your conversation here are some things to consider.
- All the expectations you have, are things you have done for them in the past and are now handing over. You will have more success if your child understands your motivation. For example, the message should be clearing your own plate means you have earned more responsibility not that you are being punished.
- Children thrive in structure and they need to feel a part of something important. Your home is meant to fulfill those needs. By creating clarity of their responsibilities and allowing them to take part in the successful running of your home you are giving them the chance to succeed.
- This is not a lecture. You and your child are in step three to learn from one another.
- Your child is a wealth of knowledge as to what will motivate them. By allowing them to be part of this process you are opening up communication that will improve your level of success.
- Take some time to think of your expectations as you would have as a child.
- Did you like helping?
- Were you a people pleaser?
- Were you competitive?
- Were you resistant to change?
- You and you child can take notes. If they aren’t writing yet encourage pictures.
During the conversation I suggest the following questions.
- How do you feel about being old enough to help around the house?
- Which jobs seem easy? Hard?
- What can I do to help you?
- What other jobs do you think you can do?
- When is the best time of day for you to help?
- If you could take one job off the list which one would it be and why?
By the end of the conversation you and your child should have a clearer understanding of your needs and wants for daily tasks and behaviors. You should also have a better insight as to what your child’s challenges are and what motivational tools you can utilize to overcome them. A final list is not necessary at this point. Take a break and enjoy the productive time you have spent.
Come join us on Facebook. Vlinder (https://www.facebook.com/groups/Vlindersbreakthrough/) is a group where you can share your thoughts or experiences as we move forward.